Reading Time: 2.5 minutes   

This is part 17 of a 19-part blog series on Orals Coaching. To see the previous blogs, click here. In part 1 of this subtopic on Presenter Pitfalls, we discussed why Reading from a Script can produce flat energy and weaken audience connection. In this blog, we'll examine how vague language and “consulting speak” can weaken an oral presentation. We'll explore how overly general descriptions can make strong experience sound ordinary and discuss ways to communicate your value with greater clarity, specificity, and impact. 

Avoid Vague References and Weak Assertions

Clear, specific communication is essential for a successful oral presentation. When presenters rely on vague language, “consulting speak”, or weak assertions, they risk making strong experience sound ordinary. It also gives evaluators little basis to distinguish them from the competition. Make your presentation and your team stand out by highlighting your key differentiators in both your personnel and your proven experience.  

Here are some examples of vague and weak assertions and how to enhance them.  

Vague and Weak Assertions

A typical way to give an example is to use the project/role/work format. Check out the following sentence using this typical example format:  

“On the CyberToC program, I was the security architect, where we supported the security design development of the CyberToC system”   

The evaluators learn that you have experience in a similar program and scope of work, and that you have held a role similar to the one you are being bid for. It leaves the TEB wondering about the project's results. We need to add more relevant detail, language, and impact to make this a winning example.  

The work itself sounds undifferentiated because of vague and weak words used to describe the experience. For example, “support” is one of the vaguest possible verbs you can use. “Support” could mean nearly anything.  Did you “support” the team by getting coffee and printing out papers while they were doing the real work?  In this example, the speaker used the word "we". "We" is also a vague reference that leaves us wondering what role the speaker played in the example.  

Don’t get me wrong here; I don’t want to have every speaker taking credit for everything they say; that would sound arrogant. I want the TEB to have a clear understanding of ‘who’ did ‘what’ work.  

With a few tweaks to the wording, we can add high-impact results, remove ambiguity, and make this example harder-hitting.  

“On the CyberToC program at NAVWAR [now known as Naval Information Warfare Systems Command], I was the security architect, where my team developed the security design of the CyberToC system. We achieved ATO in 6 months and received exceptional CPARS for our fast delivery.” 

How about this example that I often hear when talking about the management and staffing of a contract?  

“Our qualified staff remained on the project until project closeout.” 

“Qualified staff” sounds like something that anyone can do on the contract and doesn’t indicate anything special. “Remained” on the project until project end pretty much means you didn’t have staff turnover issues. It does not give anything of real meaning to evaluate you with. Below is an example of a more results-driven approach to examples.  

“We conducted 25 program reviews for SPAWAR’s program with five staff who remained on task until all 25 program reviews were completed.” 

While we only added 10 seconds of additional content, the impact of the changes is 10x.  

The most effective presenters communicate ownership, results, and impact in a way that is easy for evaluators to understand and remember. Taking the time to use clear, direct language and meaningful examples can make your experience more credible, memorable, and impactful with the evaluation team. 

Trident Support

Need help refining your presentation teams messaging and delivery? Contact Trident. Our experienced orals coaching teams help transform technical experience into compelling, evaluator-focused presentations that clearly demonstrate value and differentiators. 

Don't miss Blog 18: Presenter Pitfall Part 3: Power Robbers, where we'll continue our discussion of presenter pitfalls and how small adjustments can significantly improve presentation effectiveness.  

Written by Jeff Everage 

Jeff is the President and Founder of Trident Proposal Management. As a GovCon Oral Presentation Coach for more than 15 years, Jeff has coached more than 100 teams to success. His insights into oral coaching, gained from the trenches of coaching, are designed to support you and your team in your efforts. As a Navy veteran, Jeff resides in Southern California and provides support to clients worldwide as part of our globally dispersed team.